No, your eyes do not deceive you, this is an actual brand new, crisp, shiny, post on Play It Like Beatdown, your one stop shop for mindless drivel.
Well it’s been a while, and I’m sure you’re all very intrigued to know what I’ve been up to for the past “too many” months. Well let me correct you. You don’t want to know. I’ve been writing a thesis, and it’s near enough killed me. My brain is now a small pile of mush, jabbering away in the corner.
Unfortunately, while I’ve been busy melting my face academically, I haven’t managed to get in any Malifaux (or as my brother has taken to calling it: TallyBallyfaux), or any painting. Time to correct that methinks.
Anyway, last weekend I headed down to the lovely county of Norfolk (I even managed to escape afterwards!) to play in MCC (Malifools campaign of carnage). This was a massive 40 player event, which is unlike any other event in the calendar. I could write a massive post about it, but no one likes massive posts, so I’ll make it short and to the point.
Before the event, each player selected 3 masters which they could play over the weekend. They could use any models available with those masters, but no other masters. I went with Marcus (obviously), Perdita (obviously), and Seamus (I learnt that he’s not blunt enough for me). There were two eventualities which might affect the availability of those masters: capture, and death. Basically take prisoner was always available, and was always on the enemy master. If you succeeded in capturing the enemy master, they had to be ransomed back (long story, I won’t explain here). If a master died in a game, a card was flipped from a deck at the end, and if it was the black joker, that master was dead, gone, no longer available, deceased, bereft of life, pushing up the daisies, had joined the choir invisible, had gone to meet its maker… you get the idea with that…
The aim of the weekend was to score achievement points, ranging from “win a game”/”lose a game”, to “play with your hand face up”, to “flip 3 severes on a double negative flip”, and so on (60 in total, plus 5 master specific ones for each master). Well, ok, that’s a lie, the aim of the weekend was to have a laugh. The way to win silverwear however, was to score achievement points.
At the start of the weekend, 10 team captains (the 10 lowest ranked players… theoretically) selected players for their team using the old school selection system. I ended up being picked by Dave Bartley surprisingly early on, to join team monkey (each team had party hats with different things on them). At this early stage it was clear that Dave had an extremely cunning plan, as there were many better players than me there (and Dave knows how bad I am at Malifaux), so why choose me first? The answer to that somewhat sets the tone for the competitive nature of team Monkey… he was trying to make “team Dave” (only using Daves). Unfortunately even a plan this cunning isn’t totally water tight, and we failed to recruit any more Daves, picking Matt and James instead (surnames aren’t my strong point). Suffice to say team Monkey was “happy go lucky”, and out of 27 games played over the weekend, team Monkey won 2… both of which were hardcore games (20 minutes, 20 soulstones) in which the respective opponents were doing odd things to get achievements… #winning.
There were many high points for the weekend (meeting tons of Malifauxers, having a jolly good larf, my tent being totally water tight), but I’ll stick to my two highest points here to keep it brief (I know it’s not brief already, but you know my writing style by now).
Going into the weekend, my aim was to kill a master with a peon (more specifically, a jackalope), as I had spent the second day of 4M (an equivalent event last year) trying it, and never quite succeeded. In game 1 I played against Jan and his Wong crew. The game was very close, and I came within a hair’s breadth of killing Wong with the Jackalope. Wong was on 3 wounds (with armour 1), and a Cerberus stood next to him, and no soulstones. I attacked with the Cerberus, needing only week damage to get to the stage that the jackalope could finish him off, unfortunately I didn’t count on the fact that I didn’t have a weak card in my hand to cheat in, so when the Cerberus flipped a moderate, I couldn’t do anything to stop it killing Wong. Whilst this left me losing the game, and with an unsatisfied jackalope, it did result in the first and only master to be killed (dead dead) at the whole event. In the moment, this was very satisfying, however, looking back, it essentially just meant people who had brought Wong simply couldn’t play with who they wanted to for the event, which goes against the spirit of the game, so in hindsight, I wasn’t awfully pleased (having said that, Wong deserved it…).
My second high point was playing against John Wharton (who mashed my Perdita crew in the final round at Jimmyfaux a few months ago). I was still aiming to kill a master with a jackalope, and so while he was playing reconnoitre, I was playing “kill Viktoria”. To ensure that Vik wasn’t walking away from the game, I took assassinate and take prisoner (observant people among you will note that I could therefore only score one or the other). Long story short, I put Myranda and a Razorspine in a position where they were an obvious whirlwind target, needless to say, master Vik came in and quickly killed them both (sickeningly quickly in fact). However, this left her in front of Marcus and a jackalope, so Marcus charged in and did what he does (fortunately reducing Vik to 1 wound, rather than accidentally killing her too), and then with a pair of 13s in my hand, the jackalope accomplice and charged in, killing the Vik and bagging me my achievement. Marcus then spent the rest of the game running away, though he was eventually caught by the other Vik with her infinite number of attacks (note to audience: I HATE the Viks, casually getting weak damage of 5 with 3 or 4 attacks and massive speed is just ridiculous). Anyway, I’d achieved my goal, and it seemed fitting that it should be against John “the hobby wrecker” Wharton (though he won the game by a big distance). Unfortunately, this left me somewhat lost for the rest of the event, because I didn’t really have an aim outside of killing a master with a jackalope.
As the dust settled at the end of the event, team Monkey were absolutely integral as the foundation of the final standings, everyone else would’ve collapsed without us there to hold them up (ie we were firmly in last place). As with 4M last year, this was an extremely fun event, where everything is second to having a laugh with some friends. Highly recommended to anyone who’s not a massive power gamer (and indeed, to massive power gamers, as long as you can switch off your gamey streak for a weekend).
As an aside, I also got to play Smash Up (in which I was thoroughly confused messing about with ninja-cyber-monkeys), takenoko (which is another awesome game… which I’m bad at), and “Cash ‘n’ Guns” (which is an awesome game, but Conrad is a horrible horrible person who should be ashamed of himself, and should sit on the naughty step for many long hours).
So all in all, great event, well run, much appreciated. Thanks go to Mike, Lee, Spoons, and (to a lesser extent due to cash n guns bullying) Conrad. I hope I can get to next year’s event.
Until next time